Perfecktion

When I used to daydream about becoming a mother, I wasn't completely naive. I knew there was more to it than the highly-romantic Similac commercials made it out to be. After all, I had a mother myself, and although she made the job look like just about the Best Thing Going, I knew it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I knew it could be trying. I knew it could even be, at times, A Challenge.

When I got pregnant with my first child, I read articles that made motherhood sound like the ultimate self-help experience. Once you had children, the experts promised, you would hold yourself to a higher standard. You would want to model for your children the very best example, and therefore you would draw upon untapped levels of motherly goodness that you didn't even know you had.

I have since learned the truth.

Motherhood is a Formal Enquiry, not "a challenge". It is an Interrogation. Motherhood grabs you by the neck, slings you into a hard metal chair, angles a white hot light in your face and demands an accounting. It cross-examines you until you are no longer sure of who you are and can give no reasonable explanation for just what, exactly, you thought you were doing.  

Did you think you were patient? What about the time you had to explain the concept of fractions to your fifth-grader for the eight-hundred and twenty-third time in three days? Thought you were pretty smart? Wait until you try to BS your way out of a moral dilemma and your teen calls your bluff. Think you're Determined? Pit yourself against a 3 year old who decides overnight that elastic is Very, Very Bad In Every Way, But Most Especially On Pants. Were you strong? Resourceful? Brave? Think again.

It is the single most humbling experience possible to be confronted every day in every way with one's inadequacies, but that, in a nutshell, has been my experience with parenthood. I cannot be what my children need. I cannot keep them from pain (I've been known to inflict it), shield them from mistakes (awfully busy with the fallout from my own), or cushion the blows of The Real World.

But then, maybe that's because I'm not supposed to. Maybe that's not even in the actual job description, but is an addendum stapled on to the back of the original agreement by a society that thinks guilt gives you brownie points. Maybe the point of the whole "Be Fruitful and Multiply" thing is not to achieve fulfillment, but to drive us deeper into the arms of the One who fills us fully.  If we could be everything our children need, what need would they have of Him?

I'll never be a perfect parent. I think that's because I'm not supposed to be. God, in His infinite wisdom, set me up for a fall the minute I gazed into the eyes of my firstborn. So instead of trying to be perfect, I think I'll try being a perfect example of dependence upon Him.

Comments

[Melanie]

"So instead of trying to be perfect, I think I’ll try being a perfect example of dependence upon Him." I think that's not just parenthood, but LIFE in a nutshell.

[Joanne]

Amen!

[Tiddlywinks]

nicely said.

man! I think we may have been seperated at birth! This is like the third time we have posted about the same thing on the same day...of course, mine is a bit darker. but still, it's the same subject.

you know what they say. great minds, and all.

[Natalia]

"It cross-examines you until you are no longer sure of who you are and can give no reasonable explanation for just what, exactly, you thought you were doing. "

Oh, wow. wow, wow, wow, and wow. You just put my last 14 years of confusion into words.

I hope you will publish a book of your posts some day.

[Heth]

Love this.

[Adri]

Too true. I needed this reminder.

[Anne]

Nodding.

[annkroeker]

Can I hear a collective "Amen" from the Mama-Blogosphere?

You can certainly hear one from me identifying with this post. You might also hear a thud. Don't be alarmed. It's just me, falling to my knees.

Apart from Him, I can do nothing....

Amen.

[Lori]

AMEN!!

[Azul]

Amen! This is a beautiful post, and spot-on.

[Rachel]

What an awesome reminder of our #1 job responsibility as mommies - show our little ones the Father. [:-)

Thanks for a great post.

Rachel (sent from Owlhaven)

[bubandpie]

Wow. I just came here from Owlhaven and got goose bumps.

[Angie Lechner]

This post is perfect for me, especially after the week I've had. I need to print it and bronze it and put it on the wall to read every day. Thanks!

[carrien]

OH wow. You've captured it perfectly. I'm not so sure I'll even be that great an example of dependance, but maybe an example of trying will be enough.

[Cmommy]

Beautiful. I hopped over from Owlhaven and now you are in my Bookmarks :-)

[Mollien (Mom) Koenig]

Girl, are you just trying to make your old mother cry? I used to think I could write, but I think I'll just be content knowing you do it so well.

[galvanized]

Melanie (visiting from Owlhaven). This was just so beautifully described. Thanks for blessing my day, especially because I really needed it today. :)

[my4loveys]

WOW! Great post. I found you through Heth's blog - do you mind if I add you to my blogroll?

[bon]

ACKKK! That's it.

You are my new Mommy hero.
And look at me with no common courtesy... I'm gonna add you to my roll and my Bloglines without so much as a how-do ya do.

[Marian]

I loved this and have sent this link to your blog to several people. Thanks.

[Del]

Wonderful reminder for all of us out there who believe in God and His Grace.
I always tell my kids...Practice makes progress.

Mom of 4