IT
There are a lot of questions I get asked when people realize I am expecting my dozenth (new word; make a note) child. Some of them are worthy of swift and immediate disembowelment ("don't you know what causes that?"), but others run the gamut of curiosity over laundry, school, vehicles, employment, etc.
I think these questions are boring. I'm not sure why people think they want to know. I'd much rather discuss scrapbooking or movies or the love language of snails, but no! They are insistant. They want to know. So I thought I'd take time to answer some of those questions here, for all the world to see. Then maybe I can get some cards printed up that say "answers" or something, with a link to this post, and I can just hand them out when necessary.
Shut UP! I know! I'm brilliant, right? But let's get on to the questions.
Question: How much laundry do you do/How do you keep up with the laundry/Do you have more than one set of washer and dryer?
Answer, I wish: I don't do laundry. Every night my children throw their clothes away and wear a brand new set the next day.
Real Answer: I swore to myself I would never, ever, ever, infinity talk about laundry here. But it's a new year and my resolve is all shot to hell, so here goes. I do an average of one load of laundry a day. I have one set of normal capacity washer/dryer. Some things only get washed if they get puked on. DD#2 does the laundry for herself and DD#'s 1 and 3. And since I just came a hairsbreadth away from boring myself to death, that's all I'm going to say on the subject.
Question: What does your husband do for a living?
Answer, I wish: He has a thriving home business that enables him to unleash great amounts of creativity daily while remaining free to help me with homeschooling, support our family in high style, and pass on to any receptive progeny for posterity, forever and ever, Amen.
Real Answer: He's a computer programmer for a Brogdingnagian oil company which at this very moment is picking your pocket for every penny you are worth just so you can get from point A to point B. No, there's nothing he can do about it. He is but a cog in the wheel. Thank you for your support.
Question: What do you drive?
Answer, I wish: When it's just me, an Audi Roadster. When it's everybody, we pile into our private lear jet because the only places we go as a whole family are exotic, educational, and overseas.
Real Answer: When it's just me, a Ford Taurus. When it's everybody, a big ugly white 15 passenger van we like to call Moby Dick. I don't know what brand it is; that sort of information falls out the back of my brain just as soon as it goes in, right along with stuff like my blood type. There's only so much room in there.
Question: What curriculum do you use?
Answer, I wish: Each child has a set of books on each subject that has been customized according to their individual interests, strengths and weaknesses, personality and learning style.
Real Answer: It's a mish-mosh. What works for one often does not always work so well for another, but by and large we try to crush everybody into the same box because we like to have money with which to buy food after the year's curriculum has been bought. We're funny that way.
Question: "How do you do it?"
This question is overwhelmingly the winner of most-frequently-asked, even though it is vague and largely rhetorical. Do what, exactly? Breathe? Live? Get up in the morning? Make coffee? Wrangle toddlers? Adjudicate disputes? Potty train? Keep my eyeballs from rolling around independently of one another?
Or maybe all of the above, while keeping sanity at maximum and bloodshed at minimum? This might be the inference, since the line that almost always follows the question is usually something like: "I go crazy with just my one/two/three!"
I suspect I do it the same way everybody else on this terrestrial plane does, whether they acknowledge the existence of a higher Power or not.
By the grace of God, baby. By the grace of God.
Ya know, I get that last question and I've only got three. Only three! Although someday I'd like to have a dozen or so.
I think I'd stick with responding "Why do you want to know?" to weed out the just-plain-nosy and leave the aspiring-to-a-dozen-too with which to strike up a real conversation.
Posted by: Dove | January 21, 2008 at 12:02 PM
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Posted by: ktcakes | January 21, 2008 at 12:37 PM
I hear ya! By the time #5 and #6 arrived (twins) -- I mastered the 'blank stare.' It conveys the proper message when words just won't do.
:-)
Posted by: Kim | January 21, 2008 at 04:27 PM
I have to admit, I'm one of those who is always tempted to interrogate the mothers of many. With me, it's pure envy. DH and I have adopted two at the cost of much blood, sweat, and tears. We aspire to two more, if the finances hold out, but I'd love a dozen.
I also get a lot of boring questions because my children are a different race than DH and me. I answer gently, because often people are trying to be kind and make a connection, or they are contemplating adoption themselves. Maybe at least a few of the people who ask you a lot of questions are wishing they had more kids, too, and are trying to figure out if they can do it?
Love your blog!
Posted by: LAH | January 21, 2008 at 05:22 PM
Ha! I get the same questions with four. Take it as a compliment.
And know you are an encouragement to everyone with two children who has met you. I'm sure they think of you and thank God on a regular basis when there house is going crazy. : )
Posted by: Dana | January 21, 2008 at 05:35 PM
How efficient--just get 'em all over with in one fell swoop. I'm going to send a friend of mine over here who fields the same questions every single time she goes into public. She'll love the idea of consolidating and simply sending people to the post.
In fact, she's a designer and her husband works for a print company. She may just steal your idea of printing up cards.
"I get these questions a lot. I've answered them all here." Hand out the card and go back to wrangling the toddler in or out of the grocery cart. I love that.
Posted by: annkroeker | January 21, 2008 at 05:46 PM
I'd be the boring but curious person asking you those questions. I'll admit it. It sure must be fun, though. I have really, really enjoyed watching my first (she's 4 mos. right now) go through each little stage--to get to do it 12 times...what a blessing!!!
Posted by: minnesotamom | January 21, 2008 at 08:25 PM
oh! but you forgot....
wow, you look GREAT, for having so many children, how do you stay in such great shape/take care of yourself/etc?
LoL
Posted by: msjennbug | January 21, 2008 at 08:30 PM
I get that last one alot...along with the "I can't even do it with my two" to follow. [I have 1/2 dozen] I usually feel bad about that statement though, like I need to offer words of encouragement to the person. But usually I am too distracted!!!
Posted by: Jackie | January 22, 2008 at 05:39 AM
(The other Dana) I have 4 and get some of those questions as well. Or comments like 'starting your own this or that team?'...blah blah blah. I always say I have as many as the Lord saw fit. Since He's in control, I figure He knows what He is doing. But most people, even worse, some believers, don't understand that.
When we used to attend my mother-in-law's church, (she has 14 grown children) they would make us stand up like a circus freak show and we hated it.
Posted by: Dana | January 22, 2008 at 06:31 AM
LOL-the "How do you do it?" question gets a swift, "I don't." from me. People are so silly--and I only have seven! Kids-er, not people. I mean, kids ARE people, but ... oh hell, you know what I mean!
Posted by: Anne | January 22, 2008 at 06:48 AM
I love your answers. I was a bit surprised last week when Jenn's girls were here. My dh heard they had 13 kids in the family and he says, "you must have a big house." Where is this man's head????
Posted by: Joanne | January 22, 2008 at 06:51 AM
Your so funny!!! I get some of those with my 7, miss your post on lok so I check out your blog everyday..You make me laugh and think and that helps me thu my day, Thanks
Posted by: gmomof7 | January 22, 2008 at 07:05 AM
What's so mind numbing about laundry? You know you love it. Deep down, it's what you LIVE for.
Your "I wish" answers are a stitch.
Posted by: Heth | January 22, 2008 at 10:36 AM
I found you from Pioneer Woman.
I enjoyed this post and yes, I am one of those that ask "How do you do it?"
I ask it because I now have 3 and I am a mess. I am trying to figure out how to balance it all - maintaining a livable (note I didn't say clean or super neat or... just habitable) home, educate my kids (yea, I homeschool), "train them up in the way they should go", and all that.
But what I end up doing is locking myself on my closet so I can get a breath at some point of the day and eating chocolate top maintain my sanity.
Those who are able to manage their homes and kids when the kids outnumber the adults get my attention... too bad I get only get blank stares in return...
Posted by: Christine | January 22, 2008 at 10:57 AM
you are a hoot...! and speak so much truth - esp only by the grace of god- congratulations on the new little one!
Posted by: melanie | January 22, 2008 at 12:45 PM
I just have to say it, since you must never get this -- I have child envy!!!! I have 2. Don't want 12 per se, but I envy the expanded sense of family, the crowd, the extra minions who would do my bidding. (When you only have two, and you send one to the convenience store for your candy bar and one to the basement to switch the laundry, there's nobody left to bring you your Coke!)
Posted by: Mayberry Magpie | January 22, 2008 at 02:57 PM
Everybody knows I was kidding above, right? I send them to the store for cigarettes.
Posted by: Mayberry Magpie | January 22, 2008 at 02:59 PM
I agree, "by the grace of God" is the only answer I can give for that last question.
Posted by: Kristin | January 22, 2008 at 06:59 PM
I think I'm too much of an advocate. I don't mind those questions at all. It allows me an opportunity to show people that I'm human too, and if I can do it, chances are they can too. Those questions usually end up getting me into a 20-minute heart-to-heart with the person. They are probably upset because I give them far more than they ever wanted to know. Hey, if you didn't want an answer, why did you ask the question, right?
I am still in awe you do one load of laundry a day at your house. I can only dream... :O(
Posted by: Michelle | January 23, 2008 at 04:45 AM
Oh Michelle,
I wish I could come camp on your couch for the day so you could show me how you do it. Those of us with fewer kids are convinced y'all do it better, even if it's just because you do it all so much more than us - I mean homeschooling, laundry, discipline, making the dollars stretch farther, etc. In the future, I'll try to restrain myself from interrogating women who have lots of kids, because I'm sure it does get boring, but I think usually it can be taken as admiration.
Posted by: LAH | January 24, 2008 at 01:01 PM
My two cents:
"Don't you know what causes that?"
"Yeah. I'm so sorry you're not gettin' any!"
Posted by: christine | January 25, 2008 at 07:31 AM
I'm expecting our third and I have already gotten the "Don't you know what causes that" question...
my reply..
"Yeah and we're really good at it!"
GAH!
Posted by: Heather | January 25, 2008 at 07:37 AM
We have gotten the "don't you know what causes that?" question. We have 6 kids, we tend to stop their silly questions with, "yes, we do, and we LIKE it!"
Stops them right in their tracks, mouths agape. Ha ha!
Posted by: MaryLu | January 25, 2008 at 08:45 AM
I had four (including twins) within five years and they are all now young (very young) adults. Oh, how I miss the good ol' days when they were all under foot and I had no time for myself!
Enjoy -- even when you don't -- and revel in each moment -- even when you feel like you can't!
Carol
Posted by: Carol | January 26, 2008 at 08:51 AM
Wonderful post, humorous and TO THE POINT! I only have two~but seeing mom's (like you) who still have hair in their heads,and matching socks~
with more than two gives me hope!
laundry/clean underwear?- ha just turn them inside out! LOL! just kidding!
Posted by: Stacey | January 26, 2008 at 09:46 AM
Nobody stone me for this, ok? *grin* but I have a good friend with 13 ages 32 to 6 , 9 of them living at home now. Anyway, to the stoning part, from being with her family it's not much "harder" than mine (I have 3 1/2)* just louder.
* I am the fortunate sitter for an adorable 2 year old and have been since his mom went back to work when he was 6 weeks old. He's with me on average 8 hrs a day 5 days a week, so I get to claim at least 1/2 of him!!lol
Posted by: Kelli | January 26, 2008 at 06:12 PM
Hello I just ran across this page and many others of mothers with a big family. I personally think its great. I currently have two and im pregnant with my third. And i get comments all the time. To me I feel its all up to the mother and father on how many they have or want. And then God goes on to give them to them. My mom only had two kids and my husbands mom just had him. so we both come from small familes. my brother had 4 kids. So im at 3. But I do not ever plan on getting my tubes tied. I'm not about the surgery. ANd I feel if more come then that is what god had in plan for me. Cause he never gives you more than you can handle. Even though at times you feel you can not. He knows you will get through them times.
I am also one who would ask questions and not because i'm trying to be rude. But im curious. I watch the shows on tv with the couples you have many children and I love watching them. and so do my kids. I have 1 girl,1 boy and a girl on the way. And I know sooner or later my son is going to want a brother. So who knows i may have 4 by the time I am done. if not more . if that what god has in plan for me. Just hope he also has in plan how to keep my sanity. :-)
I also want to say keep up the great work mothers. You all are doing a great job. Which im sure you all know :-)
Posted by: Nicole | January 26, 2008 at 09:23 PM
This was a great read! Rock on, Mama!
Posted by: Mommy Cracked | January 27, 2008 at 02:30 AM
My mom had 9, my sister has 7, and I have 5 and we have all been asked all those questions! the very worst comment I ever got was when I was pregnant with #5 and a woman asked me if it was my first......I look very young for my age, what can I say?.....anyway, I told her that it was my 5th and she had the nerve to say....FIVE???? I call that a litter! Some people just don't get that it is fun and we actually LOVE having kids!!!
Posted by: Melanie Welch | January 28, 2008 at 01:32 PM
Hello. I just found you through a link off Amy's Humble Musings (I think). I love the humor!
I'm the eldest of 9 and we "survived."
Honestly, though, as we hope to have a large family my number one fear is the comments. I've already had to go through them as a kid. Now I have to encounter them as a parent!
Posted by: Carole | January 29, 2008 at 10:10 AM
Just found your blog! Great post! Hey, I have two kids and I try not to think of laundry. It's in the basement. Not helpful. You sound like you do a great job. And, you can laugh at it!
Posted by: Lisa | January 31, 2008 at 06:01 AM