Answers, homeschool edition. Alternate title: Please Excuse Me While I Weep With Insecurity

Before I even attempt to embark on this series of questions, let me reprint here what can also be read in my "About"  bio in the sidebar to your left:

"Homeschooling has crippled any vestiges of self-importance I may have ever had, and I am the last person on earth who is cut out for it. The fact that I have survived over 15 years of it only proves the veracity of 2 Cor. 12:9. "

2 Corinthians 12:9, incidentally, says And He said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

So once again I submit to you my answers, with fear and trembling. I don't know if I'll say what you want to hear. I don't know if you'll be able to glean ANY help from my experience.

Oh, one more thing. In the interest of full disclosure (gee, it sure feels like I say that a lot), let me preface all this by saying that my answers will be given under the assumption that we are talking about on a good day.

Jolyn asked: "How do you homeschool so many different grade levels?" and "How is homeschooling affected/continued while you're hunkering down with a newborn? (Or do you not hunker down?)"

Answer: My high schoolers do the vast majority of their work on their own. For the youngest learners, I concentrate on phonics and math, so it doesn't take a lot of time. The middle schoolers comprise the bulk of my workday. I work with four at a time, and we get spelling, math, and writing done. Science and History are taught on alternate days. The littlest ones tear the house apart play while we work. Or I sedate them with educational computer games. I tell myself they are educational, anyway.

We have a more-or-less year-round schedule. We wind up taking time off, but it is not always in the traditional spots. Last year we began in July and we worked steadily until Cowboy X was born just three weeks ago (not counting that pesky Christmas holiday in which we would rather have fun pretty much the entire month of December). So now we are taking it easy (doing math and some history--just reading--and spelling) and will probably start up full-force in July once things settle down.

Johanna asked "How did you come to your decision to homeschool?"

Answer:  Once upon a time, long long ago, we belonged to a church in which there were some anti-establishment types who spoke of teaching their children at home. We liked them. They told us some stuff. We read some books. We prayed. The Lord overshadowed me heavily with the conviction that this was the plan He had for us. And so we began. The End. Only not.

Cakes asked "What about outside activities? Do your kids play sports/dance/swim etc?"

Answer: My kids have done various and sundry outside activities at various and sundry times of their lives. These include dance, karate, horseback riding, basketball, and gymnastics. This year, no one has anything extracurricular going on; none of the aforementioned activities created a burning passion that would never subside (with the exception of horseback riding, which ended due to circumstances beyond our control and with many tears). We do P.E. with the homeschool group sometimes, and occasionally attend a class or field trip offered through that same organization.

Bekki and Happy Mommy and JulieBeth and both asked: "do you use a curriculum? If so, what is it?"

Answer: I have always cobbled together curriculum rather than get it all from one place. Over the years we have found certain things that work for us best. Teaching Textbooks for upper-level math. Apologia science. Sing Spell Read and Write for phonics. Writing Strands. Easy Grammar. Artes Latinae. The Story of the World. Just a few examples.

"LAH" asked a similar but more specific question with "Do you have a particular curriculum or method that helps them work independently?"

Answer: In my experience (and this is partly because I am a control freak), I do not expect my children to do the bulk of their work independently until they are in middle-to-high school. The programs that we have for the computer (latin, math) enable them to work on their own, but they are not used until those upper grades. Everything else is accomplished with me hanging over their shoulders, although once they can read they are (ostensibly) capable of doing work on their own.

Independent learning occurs slowly, over time, in my experience. Sometimes children are eager to work on their own, and sometimes you have to pry their fingernails out of your arm. I have people tell me that they could not homeschool their children because their children would not take instruction from them. This, to me, sounds like an authority issue. Often the first year of homeschooling needs to be very light on the three Rs and very heavy on prayer and re-asserting the roles of parent and child.

And now, some true confessions:

I used to be under the impression that if I just found the right curriculum, my homeschooling would be superlative. Everything would run smoothly. I would have the shiny happy children and be the shiny happy mother, always and forever.

It just isn't so.

There is curriculum out there that works better than others, yes. There is curriculum that works for one family wonderfully well but works for another family not at all. There is some curriculum that should be cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. No curriculum will miraculously turn you into the happy teacher, or your children into the happy taught, because those roles are won only with much prayer and relationship-building.

Homeschooling is such an individual process. So much of what works must, by default, be discovered by one's own grappling and wrestling and failing and trying again. Input can be very helpful, don't get me wrong. But too much input can be crippling! You have to determine how much input is good for you; for me, I am far too distractable to take much. If I hear of something someone is doing and it sounds good I have been known to derail my entire year by trying to incorporate it. Or I simply feel crushingly guilty for not incorporating it.

I used to read homeschooling magazines. I read about a family that recreated a medieval castle in their living room. I read about a woman who, on her morning jog, saw a rabbit that had been hit by a car and took it home for her kids to dissect. I saw nothing but pictures of shiny happy children who giggled with pleasure as they learned from their beloved mother, who smiled and smiled and never, ever dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands as she listened to a new reader sound out words.

And then I would ask God why why WHY did He want me to do this homeschooling thing? WHY, when I was so obviously abysmal at it? Our schedule was hit-and-miss. Half of my curriculum sat unused. And some days, my kids were downright petulant about learning! Obviously there had been a grievous mistake. I must have misheard the Lord. I would pray, and wait for Him to tell me the truth, that I needed to slap my kids in public school ASAP.

I never heard that, however. The conviction never lifted that this was what I was called to do, no matter how hard it got. No matter how little we seemed to be accomplishing. No matter how many tears were shed. I did hear some other things from Him, though.

One was to cancel my homeschooling magazine subscriptions.

The other had to do with the aforementioned scripture.

It was not clear to me, in the beginning, that this would be a journey not through Jenni's Masterful Ability to Teach, but through God's Grace Alone. It took me a while to understand, but I think I'm finally beginning to get it. Along the way, my pride has been burned on the altar many, many times. His grace is sufficient for me; His strength is the only way I do what I do, and He is the only recipient of any boasting as a result!

Comments

[Bekki]

Ahhh, thanks for being real. I too, often fall into the "everyone is better at this than me" mode often. This has been a particularly trying year for me and I have questioned putting the kids in PS more than any other year. But, the Lord is continually telling me that home is where they belong. We trudge through on many a day, and I worry that the younger kids aren't getting enough from me since the older ones need my help and the baby is so SO demanding. But alas, we'll keep on trudging through!
Again, thanks for being so real. It's often hard to see that on the net, and I did have visions of you having the "perfect" homeschool (as if there is such a thing!).

[muddy]

As another homeschooling mother, Amen and Amen.

[LAURA]

I think that was the most honest post I have ever read about homeschooling!! You have great advice and reading this left me engouraged, thank you!

~Laura

[Daisy Girl]

Thanks for sharing! I had someone recently ask me if homeschooling was hard. I told her that the hardest part was developing my patience muscle. :)

[Joanna]

Thanks for making me cry.

[suburbancorrespondent]

Amen, amen, amen. If you send me your e-mail, I'll send you my articles. You'll like them. I'd give you the links, but only one is online, and your comments are not allowing me to give you the link properly.

[suburbancorrespondent]

home education articles, that is - they are for home educators like us...

[Marla Taviano]

Love this. Bless you.

[laurazim]

YOU, my dear, are a gem. How aptly your young son is named--after his Mama, natrually. Thanks for the shameless promotion... :)

Thanks, also, for this amazing post. When we first began homeschooling 18 months ago, it seemed to be a breeze--which I now know is because my children were in Building School-Sit-Down-And-Do-Bookwork mode. This lasted approximately six months. Then we hit The Wall of Doom that threatens our sunny outlook and brings us directly into Reality, for Pete's sake! Thanks for the honesty!

:)

[Beth]

Thank you for your refreshing transparency. I have 6 children with one due in July. My oldest is 13, youngest is 5. I try my best each day to dedicate it to the Lord, but I never seem to get it all done. I can only trust that He knows, and is in control.

[Julie Cortens]

Amen! from a retired homeschooler. Amen!

[Nic]

Thanks so much, that was very interesting to read!

[Headless Mom]

Thanks for this. I don't homeschool, and you touched on some of the reasons here. I wasn't looking to the right things as to why-You pointed me in the right direction...

That being said, I still haven't heard Him tell me to take my kids out of public school.

It sounds like you do a great job, and I for one, am in awe of what you do!

[Marisa]

I like that you believe that prayer is a two-way thing, that God talks to you and guides your life. A lot of people don't believe that. What a blessing!

[shel]

Ah, refreshing;-)

[Minnesotamom]

Oh, this gives me hope! I had been wondering how homeschooling moms do it...and to hear that it's not always perfect makes me feel like it's something I could do after all.

[Lorraine]

Awesome. Love the Shiny Happy comment. So true. I'm rounding the final stretch of year 2 and heading into year 3. Thank you. It's such a relief to know that I'm not the only one by far that feels like beating my head against the wall sometimes.

Oh, and computer games - very educational. Read "Don't Bother Me Mom, I'm Learning". Even seemingly mindless games like ZUMA can be educational - critical thinking anyone? Anyway, I blogged it here - http://aprendemos.yuriar.com/blog/?p=77 - I'm a big believer in the educational value of TV and Computer games, when both are used correctly and not abused.

[Mrs. Troop]

Thank you for your refreshingly honest post! I was homeschooled from 5th grade on - back when it was unheard of! It was a tough choice for my parents, but has reaped countless blessings for me.
But it's hard!
We have our children in a private Christian school (where my husband is an administrator) and I am grateful every day for that blessing. All the while, knowing we are missing out on some of that fiery furnace that produces pure gold.
I remember many days sitting across the table from my mother and both of us crying with frustration.
But now she's my best friend.
Thank you for your testimony to the Lord's sufficiency and strength. That's what it's all about!

[On the Eastern Journey]

We haven't started homeschooling yet (our little guy is only 16 mnoths), but we eventually will since we live in China. I thought this post had great perspective.

[Lanxi]

And I thought everyone's homeschool looked like the cover of a Charlotte Mason book. Children sitting on the floor gazing lovingly into their mothers' eyes while she reads a book to them - a classic, of course. LOL!

Thank you for your honesty and expressing things in a way that, I believe, most of us can relate.

[Toni]

Thank you for these honest peaks into your family life. They are very helpful... and encouraging despite what you may think given the alternate titles.

[Sharon]

Thank you for smashing to pieces the false image I've had in my mind about homeschooling being perfect (mother and children) and everyone is always pleasant and full of manners. We are definitely far from the magazine article families. We have no manners (we are working on it though) and we do struggle. We've been homeschooling for 6 years - thanks for giving me hope to continue on through God's grace. In the end, it's all about Him!

[Mary Kate]

You make me want 12 for my very own, not because you make it sound reasonable but because you make it sound like a surefire way to see God for all of His strength and magnificence. A way to see God for the glory seeker that He is and us as the reflectors we were all born to be. THank you for daily getting up and marching into another opportunity to prove that He alone is enough for the task.

[jen]

Literally, I have been praying for encouragement in the homeschooling realm just this week. As I look at stepping out onto that limb, it looks pretty thin and shaky...yet I know God is nudging me out there.

And it is SO good to read an account of a homeschooling mom who is honest that she doesn't have it all together, that things don't always go as planned, and who doesn't have perfect children who sing their lessons in perfect tune.

It is (oddly) encouraging to hear that I can do this, even though I feel so very much like I can't!

Thank you!

[chanelireli]

thank you!

[Kate]

So nice to read that someone else's life is not perfect. Thanks for sharing, Jenni.